The Blame Game (2)

Self-blame is one of the most lethal forms of the Blame Game.

This is when you blame yourself for anything and everything.
It is when you emphasize your inadequacies, whether real or imagined.

Self-blame paralyzes us before we can even begin to move forward.

Self-blaming people blame themselves for:

• All that happened in the past.
• Their emotions.
• The way they handle those emotions.
• Another person’s rejection.
• Little failures.
• Someone else’s circumstances.
• Being terrible at something.
• Putting themselves before anyone else.
• Trusting someone they shouldn’t have.
• A terminated relationship.

Do not blame yourself for everything, it’s not your fault that people do not like you or doesn’t believe in you.
It’s not totally your fault that you fail in some things, you might be going through the process of being a better you.
People are unbelievably complex so our necessities are going to be incredibly different.
Don’t blame yourself for wanting to be loved, accepted and appreciated.

Many People predisposed to depression may struggle with self-blame, but you can conquer self-blame by:

• Loving God and yourself
• Forgiving yourself and others,
• Not being too critical
• Making amends and moving on
• Believing in yourself
• Helping others
• Getting Help.

“No one blames her."
"That never matters," said Alec. "Not when you blame yourself. -Cassandra Clare.

I Love you!
My Thursday Musings
Olukemi Gbenga-Dada
©2019

The Blame Game (1)

Everyone except you is the cause of your misfortune,

When you slip, you blame the floor for being slippery,
Not yourself for not being careful.

When you burn the meal, you blame the cooker for burning too fast,
Not yourself for leaving the kitchen while cooking.

We blame others for everything, for being married to the wrong person to being single, for divorcing, for your children misbehavior, for failing your exams, for not being admitted to the higher institution, for bad relationships, in fact, for everything.

It is always easier to blame someone else than to accept responsibilities.

You blame others because:
*We always have a natural deep need to explain
*Our bad feeling is gotten rid of if we heap them on others
*The blame game is a defence mechanism that stops you from accepting your flaws or failings.
*Blaming others feeds your need to control
*Also, we learn it from our parents and others around us
*Blame protects your ego as it put you in a more superior position

When you are an expert at blaming others, you lose:
*Your personal growth
*Power because making everything everyone’s fault makes you powerless
*Healthy relationships
*Positive influence on others

Blame hurts others
STOP THE BLAME GAME:

• Accept responsibility for your actions
• Work harder on your self-esteem.
• Control the urge to tell the story of your past to an untrusted fellow as it increases the chances of putting the blame of your woes on another.

“Be so strong that no one can ignore you. By blaming others, you never win, but you do lose to your conscience again and again.” ― Debasish Mridha

“You can get discouraged many times, but you are not a failure until you begin to blame somebody else and stop trying.” ― John Burroughs

I Love you!
My Thursday Musings
Olukemi Gbenga-Dada
©2019

Do It Now!

You want to learn a trade? Start Now!

You want to further your studies? Start Now!
You desire to switch career? Start Now!
Stopping that addiction? Start Now!
Let go of that terrible relationship? Do it now!
Needed to be trained to get better? Start now!
Need to work on a project, start now!

Dangote, Bill gate and others wouldn't get there by procrastinating.

Today is the tomorrow you talked about yesterday.
Whatever you need to do to be a better person should NEVER be postponed!

Many times, we give excuses for why we haven’t accomplished all our big dreams. 
We blame others, we blame the government, we blame witches and wizards (Lol) etc.

Real reasons why we procrastinate include laziness, fear, lack of focus, comparing ourselves with worse people, trivialisation, lack of interest, lack of motivation etc

If you want to get rid of stalling what’s important, Ensure you:

• Recognise and list the impact of delay.
• Remind yourself of the gains in the future.
• Create a to do list
• Talk yourself into doing it.
• Give yourself a challenge
• Develop a habit of starting earlier than necessary.

WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, DO IT NOW!!!

I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on earth. Then I ask myself the same question. – Harun Yahya

Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.– Abraham Lincoln

I Love you!
My Thursday Musings
Olukemi Gbenga-Dada
©2019

Do not Judge!

Do not judge others!

Everyone has their own stories that made them who and what they are.
Not every matured single has a terrible past,
Not every woman without a child has done abortion
Not all terribly behaving kids have poor upbringing
Not every divorce is a woman’s fault.
Not every abuse is from a man.
Not every poor person plans to be poor.
Not every drop-out feels good about it.
Not everyone who fails set out for failure.

Your issues are up on your face yourself, so, face them!

Learn to allow people carry their cross with ease.
Many times, we don’t even have as much information about others problems and worries before we judge them.

We are all different and unperfect, so learn to do unto others as you would have them do to you.

Judging others hurt them and make them feel worse about you.
Respect and tolerance defines you and your attitude to others

Become less judgemental:
*Focus on your life
*Put yourself in other's shoes
*Stop judging yourself (it helps you accept others more)
*Monitor your thoughts
*Accept others character and lifestyles differences
*Be careful with your words and actions.
*Avoid stereotyping

You can easily judge the character of others by how well they treat those who do nothing to them or for them. -Malcolm Forbes

"Judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you- Holy Bible [Matthew 7:1-2]

I Love you!
My Thursday Musings
Olukemi Gbenga-Dada
©2019

Live at Peace with All!

Peace with all may not always be possible

But we can desire and be determined to live at peace with everyone!
Peace with people brings peace to your soul.

People will always be who they are no matter who you are or what you have done for them.

We can’t determine who people are or what they will do,
But, we can control our actions to them.
Although we sometimes contribute to reason why people hurt us
Ensure you do not hold a grudge against anyone.

Being at peace with people is not the same as:

• Allowing toxic people be close to you.
• Letting anyone talk you down
• Being around those who make you feel less of yourself.

Peace with others is:

• Ensuring you owe no one your happiness
• Being on talking terms with all (not intimate terms always)
• Not being puffed up and judgemental
• Not expecting reciprocating gestures when you do good
• Ensuring the fault of a badly turned out relationship is not from you

How do we then pursue peace with all?
By:

• First making peace with God (Peace with Him gives you peace!)
• Making peace with yourself and your past
• Putting yourself in other's shoes
• Listening more than you respond
• Learning the art of silence.
• Responding to issues with maturity and comeliness.
• Being humble enough to apologise when wrong.

“Learn to live together with other people, you never know what people live through. Be kind to all people because living in harmony with one another brings inner tranquility” ― Lailah Gifty Akita.

Peace is its own reward.-Mahatma Gandhi

I Love you!
My Thursday Musings
Olukemi Gbenga-Dada
©2019

Be a High Flying "Jambite"

Congratulations on your admission to the higher institution.

I am so happy that after WAEC, NECO and one or many sittings for JAMB, you have finally become a "JAMBITE".

But, I want you to know that freedom gained by being far away in school can make you better or get you destroyed.

Haba, how come?

Okay, liberty is sweet, but it can be tempting too, as it makes you lose focus easily.
A good grade after your course starts from the beginning of getting to school.

Let me share with you time-proven guides to help you through school:

• Get first a good place of Worship.
• Choose friends with focus, brains and integrity.
• Get used to being on your own.
• Learn to socialise and build your network.
• Learn how to budget (Allowance will finish without budget o).
• Attend all classes- Impromptu test& attendance taking happens once in a while.
• Take lecture notes at all times as the faintest pencil is better than the best brains.
• Ask questions during classes (No question is stupid)
• Read all lecture notes again on the same day.
• Create a study timetable.
• Study like your life depends on it.
• Stay organised and don't procrastinate.
• Go the extra mile always.
• Buy foodstuffs in bulk and look for cheap market stores.
• Cook more than eat out.
• Be mindful of distractions from your phone

And if you are in school already, you can re-write history by starting to do things right.

Nothing can dim the light that shines from within- Maya Angelou

Success doesn’t come to you, you’ve got to go to it.– Marva Collins

I Love You!
My Thursday Musings
Olukemi Gbenga-Dada
©2019

The Best form of Revenge!

Has anyone told you that you can’t amount to anything?

Payback by working hard and praying to be so successful that you can employ your mockers or even their children.

Did anyone say you can’t be educated beyond the level that you are?
Study hard and become a professor!

Do people think that your problem will sink you?
My dear, swim up and soar!

Maybe some even feel you are so fat that you can’t go a kg slimmer.
Prove them wrong, reduce your size, work on your weight!

You want to revenge all the negative actions and words that have been spoken or acted against you?
Then succeed!

Success is the best form of revenge!
By succeeding, you prove your haters and scorners wrong.
Go the opposite direction of all negativity.

Instead of being bitter and hateful, forgive and focus on becoming successful in whatever you do.
Let the outcome of your work speak for you,

So, get your payback on:

• Know your true friends
• Do not fight or argue any disapproval/pessimism
• Pray, Pray & Pray
• Start a business
• Go back to school/Study hard
• Get in shape 
• Grow your network
• Just succeed legitimately!

‘’The best revenge is to live on and prove yourself’’. Eddie Vedder

"Survival was my only hope, success my only revenge''- Patricia Cornwell

I Love You!
My Thursday Musings
Olukemi Gbenga-Dada
©2019

How much do you worth! (1)

How much do you worth! (1)

How much do you worth?
What value do you place on yourself?
Who are you to you?
This is self-esteem!

Self-esteem is self-regard,
It is faith in one self, it is self-respect!

Low self-esteem is when you lack confidence in yourself,
It is when you feel unworthy, ugly, incompetent or incapable,
Infact, a person with low self-esteem feels so poorly about him or herself.

How do you know you have low self-esteem?
If you do the below, then you lack self-confidence:

Negative Thinking
Fewer expectations from life
Inability to take or appreciate compliments
Inability to let go of bad past experiences
Always jealous/envious
Blaming & Critical
Keeping silent, when you should talk
Excessive worry and anxiety
Not thankful when people show you generosity
Always resentful
Makes everyone happy expect him or herself
Listen to everyone’s opinion
Always Pessimistic
Always Judgemental.

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.”
― Harvey Fierstein

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
― Mark Twain

I Love you!
My Thursday Musings
Olukemi Gbenga-Dada
©2019

Making the right Decision

Making the right Decision

Who and what you are today are the product of so many things, major of which is the decision you or others made on your behalf yesterday or years past,
Decisions are vital to our existence if we really want to live a fulfilled life,
We make decisions daily on little events like:
What to eat, drink, wear,
Where to go, who to call
And major ones like:
Who to marry,
Career/business/Vocation to choose,
Where to reside,
Who to make friends with,
Whether to leave a relationship,
When to resign and start your own business, etc.
Making the right decision can be hard, but doable.

Make sure before making any decision, you think about:
How it will affect your future, your family and others,
How it will affect your generation and country.
The advantages and losses of your decision.

Want to make a right decision? You need to:
Relax and take your time (avoid overthinking)
Ask God for help
Get information about the subject matter
Write down your fears about the situation
Pay attention to all red flags
Identify worse case scenarios
List all alternatives.
Pay attention to your instincts (But do not allow instincts dominate you)
Organise your thoughts
Talk to a wise trusted friend, partner, family etc.
Give advice to yourself as if you are giving it to a friend.

You will know you made the right decision when you pick the hardest and most painful choice but you heart is at peace- Anonymous

You are free to make whatever choice you want, but you are not free from the consequences of the choice-Anonymous

I Love you!
My Thursday Musings
Olukemi Gbenga-Dada
©2019

GET IT DONE WITHOUT NAGGING!

GET IT DONE WITHOUT NAGGING!

Nagging is when you’re constantly and persistently harassing someone to do something,
Nagging is complaining and criticizing,
Nagging is also unceasingly urging an individual to complete earlier debated requests or act on information.

Nagging can be tormenting, agonising and grievous.
A nagging person complains about everything and anything.
Nagging doesn’t make people do things for you out of respect but out of fear of torment.

Men nag, so do women, but women do it more.
A nagging woman or man make his/her spouse farther emotionally and physically.
Nagging destroys relationships.
Don’t drive people away from you by your constant nags.
Most people who nag are unobservant and never contented.

YOU CAN GET THINGS DONE WITHOUT BADGERING/NAGGING!

Nagging can be stopped!

All you need to do is to:

Know that nobody likes to be nagged.
Know you’re not right, you are just angry.
Find more productive ways to communicate instead of repetition.
Learn to compromise once in a while.
Think about what you want to say before saying it.
Accentuate others positives instead of dwelling on their negatives.
Communicate what you want through your action- I mean, practice what you preach!

“You have got a sharp tongue, haven't you honey? You'll have to watch it or you'll go to a lonely spinster's grave.”
― Margaret Way

“Make sure that your heartfelt thanksgiving is more consistent than your nagging needs and your passionate apology fervent than your unhealthy justifications. Be clean and hopeful.”
― Israelmore Ayivor

I Love you!
My Thursday Musings
Olukemi Gbenga-Dada
©2019

Friendship Series (3)

Friendship Series (3)

Letting friends go?

So, now you are married,
So, now you have more money,
Better job,
Better cars,
Better clothes and shoes
Or you just gained admission or received NYSC call-up.

Now, your good friends aint good anymore,
You just made friend with your new status, husband and achievements...etc

This is Good!

But,
My Dear,
Its lonely up there!

Friends are not only for bad or low times,
They are also for good times.
Don’t abandon your friends because you are now high up there
It is WRONG to.

Please, stick to your friends, no matter what.
YOU WILL NEED THEM ONE DAY,
Yes, you will.

But, do not make them priority over your home/family.

What of if you know some friends will have negative influence on the new level/status you are in?

Then move a bit farther from them, if they really like you,
They will reach out and you can spell the terms of your friendship,
If they don’t, then let go.

If you have friends who are NOT:
Ungodly
Opportunist
Self-Centered
Too clingy
Fake &Hypocrites
Dominating
Enemies to your progress.

PLEASE STICK TO THEM!

I Love you!
My Thursday Musings
Olukemi Gbenga-Dada
©2019